In episode 803 our poor crew in the satellite is yet again subjected to a William Alland production. In The Mole People a group of archaeologists climb a mountain (OH NO!) and discover a lost civilization of gayish, albino, cross-dressers with a rather strange mixture of fetishes for whips and goats (I'll let you draw your own conclusions on that one) and their slaves -- a strange race of mole men (... ahhh, I really don't want to speculate further about the origins of this particular species...). Now, exactly what these mole men are used for other than providing the race of albino, Broadway rejects something to whip, which isn't a goat, is not revealed to us. Feel free to guess. Anyway, this riveting, fast-paced, action packed movie of mountain climbing, cave spelunking, and rather lurk-warm, dispassionate romance is halted somewhat whenever John Agar opens his mouth to give us highly speculative speeches about ... whatever pops into his head. Something he unfortunately decides to do ALL too regularly. As if that wasn't enough, we are also forced through yet another liturgical dance by someone's aunt... (I specifically remember ordering a sacrifice WITHOUT a show!) Oh well, the movie ends with John Agar and colleague (or as Agar would put it -- "Man put in movie for me to drone at.") escaping sacrifice and destroying the entire lost civilization by instilling rebellious thoughts in the enslaved mole men (Goddamn do-gooders!). So to sum up the archaeological achievements by this little hapless band of adventurers -- we came, we saw, we destroyed, and we left! Fun Fact: The old professor in the beginning is not a scientist, but an English professor by the name of Dr. Frank Baxter from the University of Southern California. He actually did some educational children's television in the late 50's. Rumour has it that he was hired to do this bit in an attempt to give the premise of the movie a bit of credibility... ("cough") Look out for the clown hat theory, a graphic depiction of lactose intolerance, a city build on rock 'n roll, free government cheese, the nipple of the world, God's worthless vegetable, the 23'rd commandment, an inner downness, someone emerging in the cat box, terror elves, Disney's dominatrix world, torturing smurfs, Capt Fingerhead, runes drawn by Billy, purification of urine, ropes and asses, wedgie-vision, an erect species, the patron saint of omelettes, a farbish clansman, slightly brighter light, Cathy Lee Gifford's garment workers, bouts of pomposity, mole-cam, sunlight with the power of lemon, the fried egg theory, a lucky cinderblock, a Robert Motherwell painting, and way, way, way too much of John Agar talking. Enjoy! (and don't let this movie bring you down, down, down to the very depths of an Agar-induced depression.)
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The Mole People is a 1956 science fiction film directed by Virgil W. Vogel. It was riffed by...